Merry Christmas 2015
Week 51: Merry Christmas
Week 42: Showering=2 Spoons, Laundry=5 Spoons
Most people have the luxury to wake up in the morning and not analyze their day. They get up, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, and continue with their daily obligations (work, grocery shopping, their children's sports, dinner with their family). People with a chronic illness such as lupus, fibromyalgia, and lyme disease wake up in the morning and first assess how much energy they have. Next, they compare that energy to what activities they hope to accomplish that day. This includes taking a shower, feeding the dog, and getting the children to school. The challenging part is this. Each of these activities require a certain number of units of energy (so to speak). If the person with lupus wakes up with 20 units of energy but the daily activities require 250 units, then the person is forced to prioritize what are already priorities. This is essentially known as The Spoon Theory, created by Christine Miserandino. The Spoon Theory is her analogy on what it is like living with an autoimmune condition. In other words, people with autoimmune conditions are given so many spoons, or servings, of energy a day and they never know how many there are going to be. Sometimes there are none.
While Christine's analogy has been the most accurate description on what life is like with my condition, it does leave out the viscous nature of the aches and pains that coincide. Though, I suppose that is another post. The Spoon Theory also does not depict the social/emotional repercussions. The first activities put aside are usually the ones that maintain a person's sense of belonging and feeling cared for (taking a coffee break with a friend, training for a half marathon, playdates with friends and their children). The priorities become getting the children fed, on the bus, driven to preschool, and making it your third doctor appointment that month. If it is a really bad day then even those get cut down and prioritized. Even the most compulsive person will leave dishes in the sink, tumbleweeds of dog hair on the floor, and piles of laundry unfolded.
The wrath of autoimmune is relentless and unforgiving. It not only affects the person afflicted, it also significantly affects the lives of their spouse and children. Although I still have my days of pure anger and frustration because of this, I can say that I have certainly learned some valuable lessons. You know that saying "Don't sweat the small stuff?" I have embraced that whole heartedly. Some how it's easier now. I also live in the moment more often than I ever have before. It makes moments so much more enjoyable and I worry significantly less. I have also learned what priorities really are. And, it isn't getting the dishes in the dishwasher (ok, Mr. KAP I may still have my moments but I have become a million times better at this!). So, if anything at all, I can at least say that my limited spoons have helped me grow into a stronger, happier person.
Week 43: Embrace Your Strengths
Shout loud, "I am lucky to be what I am! Thank goodness I'm not just a clam or a ham...Or a dusty old jar of gooseberry jam! I am what I am! That's a great thing to be! -Dr. Suess
Emma is three years old now. She could both recognize and identify all upper and lower case letters well before she was 2 1/2. While this would make the creators of the Common Core Standards dance for joy for their political purposes, I dance for joy because it represents my own unique, one of kind daughter. She happens to have a knack for picking up this literary concept (as well as discussing sequencing and plot). My oldest daughter was the complete opposite, but she was well on her way to drawing complete landscapes by 3 years old. She could see a shape, a detail, a color within a picture and and copy it to recreate the same scene. Her very first drawing, I will never forget, was a birthday card she copied entailing a flower, 2 bumblebees, and a couple hills. All colored in the lines and with appropriate colors. Bear in mind most children at this age are drawing simple shapes. My point for sharing this is simple. Decades of research by cognitive psychologists, neuroscientists, and developmental psychologists have proven that while there are typical developmental milestones, not one child will ever have the exact same strength at the exact same time. Nor may they ever have the same strength. And that is ok! While I struggle with the outlandish standards of the Common Core wrapping its vile tentacles around my children in school, my goal is to teach them to always embrace their strengths. Teach them that they are lucky to be who they are and know what they know. They are an original, unique, one of kind, and beautiful person in every possible and unexplainable way.
Week 40: It's Not The Size Of The Girl In The Fight...
...It's The Size Of Fight In The Girl! This little girl can be a feisty one. She is teeny, tiny, and petite and the smallest in her class. But, o my, does she shine!!! I haven't quite figured out where Gracie gets her spunk and liveliness from. Whether it be nature, nurture, birth order, or a combination of all three, I look up to my daughter. Who would have thought? You can look up to your children! They can be a role model to be a better person. Most of the time Gracie exudes confidence and personality. She radiates rays of sunshine with her ever-constant smile. This was never me as a child and although I can't say I'm nearly as theatrical, she most certainly inspires me to be more like her. I never would thought such a small person could contain such "fight." I never would have dreamed my children could be role models to myself. I thought that was my job! (LOL, wink!)
Week 41: Timeless Traditions
With my oldest currently 6 years old and my youngest 3 years old, I am finding that one of my favorite joys is creating our own family traditions. While pumpkin picking is a fairly universal tradition for families in the fall, it still fills my heart with happiness. A mom can't ask for much more than that.
Week 33: You've Got A Friend In Me
Best friends, drinking buddies, soul mates, what have you. Friends are a key component to a fulfilling existence. So important, in fact, that it is the third level (out of five) on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Only surpassed by physiological and safety needs, the need to belong, to be loved, to be supported, and cherished is crucial in personal development and motivation. Friends help achieve this basic need.
The tricky part about having "friends" is that while some are simply amazing, others may be toxic. In a person's path to self-actualization they test many friends. Some will bring you up, cheer for you, support you and others will...well they might not bring out the best in you. This is when one has to be savvy enough to think, "whatever" and walk away. As I watch my children enter the "making friends phase," I find it difficult to watch their heart ache when confronted with children who have not yet learned basic skills in friendship. At the same time, my heart is full when I see them laughing and smiling with a friend who has.
The reciprocity in a genuine friendship is infinitely rewarding for children and adults alike. The best things about one of my best friendships are exactly what I will teach my children. A true friendship doesn't have any competition. You are always each others biggest supporter. Friends will make mistakes, but there will be no judgment, just an apology. One quality I personally love is that I can always count on my bestie to tell me the truth. What tops the list for me, what is priceless and worth everything, is that a true friendship is based on who you really are.
Week 17: The Longest Relationship You'll Ever Have
Sister's can share a special bond that far surpass genetics and biology. I have three baby sister's and no brothers, however I suspect the same to be true between a brother and sister. I am fortunate. My sister's and I are very close. Even our fiercest wars seem to have left no damage. Unfortunately I've seen the opposite. Jeffrey Kluger, author of The Sibling Effect, wrote that in the time of a traumatic event (for example a divorce or loss of a loved one) siblings are drawn closer together, put aside their differences to band together, and emerge a stronger couple in the end. I can't say I believe this to be 100% true; I've witnessed the opposite. What I can say is that if I do my job the best I can, teach my girls that they are a team, can thrive on their differences, and let go of the negative experiences, then they will always have a rock in their life. That rock, their sister, will intuitively know their thoughts, have their back whether they are right or wrong, be their shoulder to cry on, and be just as excited as they are when exciting new opportunities arise. They will have that unparalleled bond that is like no other-not even a spouse(don't get jealous spouse's. I'm not implying that it is better...just different). This is what I want for my girls. I want the relationship between them to be the longest relationship they have. I want them to be each other's play mate, mentor, protector, counselor, and yes, even tormentor and instigator. From each other they will learn to resolve conflict, have patience, make peace, walk away, and stand up. If I do it right they will grow closer. They will be all they need to rely on should bad things happen if I'm not around.
There exist hundreds of quintessential quotes on the internet about sisters. Most revolve around the notion that because you are sister's by blood, there will be rainbows and panda bears in your relationship. I know what I have witnessed and experienced have led to me this conclusion, but I am a firm believer that blood is not thicker that water. The impenetrable sister bond is built brick by brick and if it isn't nurtured the big bad wolf will find a way to knock it down. To my sisters Debra, Amy, and Lauren my favorite quote that always brings my thoughts to you, "I had the greatest friend when I was a kid...and I got to keep her the rest of my life." To my girls, I wish the same blessing for you and I will do my best to teach you this.
Week 26: I'll Bet You Know A Thing or Two! You're Super Smart! I'm Proud Of You!
Kindergarten was, for the most part, a blast for this little girl. Anna loved going to school-well except for waking up in the morning! It was torture for Mommy, though. Am I the only mom who DOESN'T wish summer vacation would end so their kids can go back to school???
Week 24: Flag Day Celebration
I have no words for this tonight. I am just simply in awe. My first baby finishing her first year of school. She has grown into a little girl. She was pushed to learn more than every generation before her (thanks to the vile tentacles of Common Core). Despite the intense pressure to learn developmentally inappropriate standards that are far beyond her cognitive years she has persevered. Not with out struggle, but still, she did it. And saying I'm proud of my artistic, inquisitive, sensitive, nurturing little angel is nothing less than an understatement.
Week 23: Daddy's Little Helper
Week 22: Almost Three!
A quick picture just to mark the time. Emmalynn is almost three years old. Happy, healthy, and full of spirit! A mommy couldn't ask for anything more!
Week 21: "Oh, The Places You'll Go!"
I have always said that one day this little girl will move mountains and I still believe it's true! When I think of you, my Gracie Lu, here is how I think of you: determined, confident, resourceful, bold, creative, passionate, intelligent, and independent. At the same time inquisitive, sensitive, a hands on learner, and highly committed. All at such a young age! No doubt you can take on the world so like Dr. Suess said, "You're off to great places, today is your day. Your mountain is waiting, so...get on your way!"
Week 20: They Aren't As Dangerous As They Look...And Neither Is The Dog!
Ok, I'll admit it, not the highest quality image. But it depicts our life perfectly. As much as I gripe about our dogs, I couldn't ask for a better Shepherd than my Bailey boy. Truly a gentle giant when he needs to be and a lap dog at heart. When necessary, however, a fierce and loyal protector.
Week 18: Breakfast At The Market
One of our favorite things to do on a week day that Mr. KAP is off of work. The Rochester Public Market where we get most of our fresh organic fruits and veggies and organic, grass fed meat for the week.
Week 19: For The Love of Art
Her love of art and insatiable need for creativity is going to get her places in this world.
Week 30: Invisible Illness, Invisible Strength, Invisible Me
First and foremost, kudos to my 6 year old daughter for taking this shot!!! Normally Mommy's camera is like a hot stove...you don't EVER touch it. Today, however, was a day of excruciating head aches, exhaustion, nausea, and joint inflammation. Today this meant Mommy had no will to say, "No way Jose" when Anna asked if she could take a picture. I guess she showed me :)
Somehow I keep hoping, keep going, keep finding the strength to keep fighting. I don't really know how. Today I realized it's them. My husband and my girls. Despite everything, everything that I have lacked these past couple years, they keep going. And most of the time it is with a smile. That's why somehow I can't manage to give up either.
Autoimmune and chronic illness is debilitating and isolating. Our culture today leads to serious misconceptions about illness. Especially ones that can't be readily seen, such as with the person in a wheel chair or the person lacking a limb. Even doctor's present challenges for patients. Many western practitioners tend to treat symptoms rather than the whole person...probably thee most frustrating aspect for a patient who has been suffering for years. And then there is the rest of society. The underlying assumption is that if she is enjoying herself, she must be ok. The fact is we don't have a choice. Depending on the flare the person may not be able to do more than take a shower, but if there is an important occasion or one simply misses the enriching experience of social interaction she puts on her best act and soaks up what she can from the experience. One bit of advice...don't ever assume that because the person you are with is laughing that she is pain free. She has learned to put up with the pain and, more often than not, is doing so at that time.
So although the road ahead is still very long and I certainly have my thoughts of giving up on ever feeling "normal" again, I can't. I still have too much hope to enjoy the little nuances of daily living. Who would have thought a person would be thrilled to hold a cup of coffee with out worry of dropping it, or be excited to get her child dressed in the morning with out sending shots of pain up her hands? Who would have thought life would now be complete if one could simply go for a walk down the street with their husband, open an already-opened jar of jam with out help, eat food with out fear sickness to follow? Life would certainly be complete. Me, visible, no pain, guilt, or embarrassment to hide. My perfect family, just as we are, nothing extraordinary, not wanting for more, just living, just enjoying, just us.
Week 30: New Doctor...New Treatment? New Diagnosis?
Two and a half years of multiple diagnosis'. Two and a half years of progressive, invisible symptoms. Two and a half years of quality time lost with my little girls and my husband. Two and a half years of making plans and canceling and relying on others to do my motherly duties-in other words guilt and embarrassment. Two and half years of trying to answer why Mommy hurts, struggling to maintain professional growth and develop a personal business, paying a plethora of medical expenses, and taking 17+ pills of vitamins and prescriptions a day. Next week comes a brand new doctor. With that...a new diagnosis? A new treatment plan? Hope is brewing...again. Hope to be able to walk down the street with out pain and fatigue, hope to open my own containers, swallow my food with out choking, hope to hold my camera pain free, hope to take on my business again, hope to be completely and utterly ordinary again. No one famous, no one special. Just a mom and a wife. Living with out pain, feeling refreshed upon waking, driving her girls to and from dance and swimming, and school, going for a run (if my joints ever heal), reopening her photography studio, teaching at the local college, and saying "adios to all this autoimmune ^$&#*@."
Week 15: Golden Slumbers Fill Your Eyes
“Golden slumbers fill your eyes, smiles await you when you rise. Sleep pretty darling do not cry, and I will sing you a lullaby.”
Week 14: Don't Try to Change My Melody. I Am An Original!
Today I am going to jump right in and will be following up from last week's post. What exactly is Common Core and what is so bad about it? Why are the new standardized tests that resulted from CC so detrimental? Here we go. (Please note that I will not be citing every piece of information and data I provide. Although I have essentially done my own literature review, it is outside the scope of this blog.)
Common Core is simply a list of standards in which a child is expected to master by the end of each grade level. Easy enough right? Here are the complications with it (I will primarily be focusing of primary grades since that is my specialty):
1. Standards need to be developmentally appropriate. Here is a FACT. Early childhood educators did not participate in developing the standards. Of the 135 people that wrote the standards, not one was a K-3 teacher.
2. There is absolutely 0, zilch, nada, no data or research what-so-ever to support the implementation of Common Core Sate Standards (CCSS). In other words, standards were written but never pilot tested. Furthermore, there has been no provisions for on going research. The consequences? If you currently have a child in school he or she is a guinea pig. Until the government blatantly sees failing test scores (and suffering children) CC will remain....unless parents fight back and start opting out.
3. Implementation disaster!!!! CCSS were thrown at teachers and students all at once and at the same time. A more appropriate implementation would have been to begin the standards with students entering kindergarten. Instead, students who had already been accustomed to learning in one manner and to one set of core standards for 5, 10, 11 years were expected to immediately shift gears. Could you do that with out a learning curve?
4. Children are born originals! The academic skills mandated, particularly in grades K-3, assume all children develop and learn at the same rate and in the same way. Nothing could be further from the truth. In FACT, 20+ years of research validate that children between the ages of 0-6 progress at varying rates the most. For example, some babies begin walking at 9 months of age while others don't begin until 15 months. This concept parallels reading, writing, and math development as well.
5. Children have their own melody to which they play. CC does not take this into account. Play is the foundation for learning and has now been stripped from classrooms. Teachers were once systematic facilitators of play for the most imperative reasons. Play not only stimulates physical, social-emotional, and cognitive development in children, it is also how they investigate the properties of the world around them. This is hard wired in our brains as humans. It's how we learn self-control, problem-solving, creativity, develop an attention span, and build executive functioning skills.
6. Riga who? RIGOR! Most people define rigor as rigid and difficult. Real world educators, however, use the term rigor to develop rigorous learning experiences targeted at a student's learning level. That is, experiences that, facilitate the ability to think critically, flexibly, and creatively at that particular child's cognitive ability and prior knowledge. CC certainly is rigorous like they claim to be. Rigid, inflexible, unyielding, developmentally inappropriate and maintains no regard for all of this. It's highly prescriptive curricula focusing on test preparation and skill building in early academic years has "serious implications on a child's development" (as stated by the Alliance for Childhood). High intensity does not equal high quality!
7. Poverty is poverty is poverty. The fact remains that the districts that need the most funding get the least. Developers of CCSS falsely imply that if we PRESSURE and FORCE children to learn material far past their developmental abilities, poverty will somehow be combated. As an educator who has taught both general and special education students I have witnessed one massive complication when this avenue is taken. Children who are pressured and forced will either rebel or retract. They will act out (and not learn) or they will be ridden with anxiety and sickness (and not learn). Sooooooo, how again does this resolve poverty?
Why are politicians and large corporations (this is in FACT who is driving the "education reform") trying to strip the originality from our children? Why are they trying to break them down? Why are are they holding school funding hostage? In NYS, our dispicable Governor Cuomo, will not provide any extra funding to NYS public schools UNLESS they agree to follow his CC and APPR agenda. How is this a democracy? How is this humanity? How is this fairness? This war I fight for my children is not liberal vs. conservative. Jeb Bush is just as lethal as Hillary Clinton with the matter at hand. The fundamental change in power that has transpired in education has the potential to wreak havoc on our democracy.
Although this entry is quite long, what I have mentioned barely scratches the surface. I will discuss the dangers of standardized testing and the new APPR's in a following post. In the meantime if you have comments or questions please share them below!!! If you are an advocate of opposing the Common Core and High Stakes standardized testing please share this post. Remember the picture of that little blonde girl in the beginning of this post? She is the one who makes every day the best day of my life. I'm sure you have someone you regard as the same. Fight for them, opt out, spread the word, share this.