Do you have a strong-willed child? I do. Is it challenging? Absolutely. Do I love it? Absolutely! I love my strong-willed girl because as fiercely as she protests, she loves. As passionately as she fights for independence, she laughs. Gracie is self-motivated with a strong sense of integrity and independence. Because of this she is prone to power struggles. Some parents might say this isn't such a good thing. I say this is a great thing! You see, I want my daughter to listen to me, but not because she is being obedient. I want her to listen to me because what I am asking her to do is the right thing. H.L. Mencken, one of America's most influential writer's, said, "Morality is doing what's right, no matter what you're told. Obedience is doing what you're told, no matter what's right."
I have met many children in my teaching days. I remember all of their endearing personalities. My Gracie, however, is truly one of a kind. Full of thought and wonder. Full of spunk and life and vibrance. Full of passion and drive and a need to understand. Her thought processes are quite complex for a 4-year-old. Now we just have to work on her ability to filter. Gracie loves to discuss everything she sees. Most often in public places, quite loudly, and right next to the person her question or thought is regarding.
So who is Gracie underneath that tough exterior? That little girl who so desperately wants to learn for herself, who is strives for self-sufficiency, and insists on testing limits just to be sure? She is extremely kind and sensitive and thoughtful. Gracie doesn't like to see others upset. She wants to understand why and assist. Gracie is also nurturing and a caretaker. While Anna wants to be an art teacher or an artist, Gracie wants to "be a Mommy" when she is "growed up."
So what have I learned? First, I am remembering what one of my child development psychology professors told me in class years ago. Strong-willed children (or what some adults would call stubborn) will most often become very pleasant teens and adults. They are self-motivated and go after what they want. Most importantly they are impenetrable to succumb to peer pressure. They are responsible, considerate, and think for themselves. They are leaders!
Second, I have learned that one of the constants of being a behavioral specialist/special education teacher in a behavioral based classroom must also be carried into my home. That constant is the simple fact that emotions tend to mirror each other. In other words, if I escalate my emotions Gracie will escalate hers. When I am ready to start yelling because her brain just can't seem to switch gears I have to continue to talk calmly and softly. It is only then that her emotions will eventually mirror my own. Then we can discuss, problem solve, and repair the relationship (hug, snuggle, whatever she is in the mood for).
Third, I have learned that my children still continue to teach me. Gracie has taught me to throw out many of my inhibitions. Who needs to be so rigid that they don't experience the world for all of it's beauty and all it has to offer? Gracie is the epitome of "Live, Laugh, Love."
To my Lu-lu girl. I am no way what-so-ever wishing time by. It can slow down anytime now! I am, however, looking forward to watching you grow into a moral leader who models respect, excitement, empathy, and a love of life.